While it can look differently from person to person, social anxiety can feel like an invisible weight that many people carry. Certainly for me, it was a constant discomfort and fear of social situations; before, during and after! Social anxiety can affect anyone regardless of age, background or gender. Understanding it is the first step toward finding relief. As a counsellor, I often meet with individuals who grapple with social anxiety, and so I want to share insights that can help you to recognise it in yourself, understand its effects, and explore pathways to feel more at ease in social settings.
What is Social Anxiety?
You may be asking yourself is it social anxiety or shyness? If you feel more reserved or uncomfortable in social situations then it’s likely shyness. However, if you fear or avoid social situations then you may want to keep reading.
Social anxiety is more than just shyness or feeling nervous before a big event. It’s a persistent fear of being judged or embarrassed in social situations, which usually leads to avoidance of these situations altogether. This type of anxiety can manifest in various ways, for me, it was excessive worrying about what others think, fearing interactions, and feeling intense discomfort in groups. In the beginning, I walked the path of avoidance; the thoughts and worry before socialising or attending a meeting became too much, but once I recognised it as social anxiety and understood that this anxiety feeds on avoidance, I moved into hyper-preparation which as you can probably imagine, wasn’t all that healthy either!

What Does Social Anxiety Look Like?
Have you been wondering if you have social anxiety or are simply an introvert? Well, introversion is a personality trait while social anxiety is a mental health disorder. An introvert prefers time alone and may feel drained after excessive socialising. Whereas social anxiety may look like:
– Overwhelming Fear of Judgement: Do you often worry what other people think of you, even in casual situations?
– Avoidance of Social Situations: Do you find yourself skipping gatherings, avoiding speaking up in groups, or feeling a strong urge to leave social events early?
– Physical Symptoms: Do you experience sweating, trembling, rapid heartbeat, nausea or other physical reactions when facing social interactions?
– Negative Self-Talk: Do you frequently criticise yourself or dwell on past social interactions/experiences?
– Difficulty Making Eye Contact: Do you struggle to maintain eye contact or feel too shy to engage in conversation?
– Feeling Isolated: Do you feel lonely or disconnected? Often people with social anxiety end up in a cycle of loneliness and disconnection, they feel this way so avoid interactions which then leads to more of these feelings and yes, you guessed it, more avoidance!
It’s important to acknowledge that social anxiety can look different from person to person, the above are common indicators and not an official diagnosis. If you wish to take steps toward understanding and addressing social anxiety, then its vital these feelings and behaviours are recognised.

How to Treat Social Anxiety?
There are several approaches to social anxiety, and what works for one person may not work for another person. Here are some of the commonly used methods:
– Gradual Exposure: Gently exposing yourself to social situations, starting small and gradually increasing the complexity of the situations as you build confidence.
– Challenging Negative Thoughts: Practicing noticing the negative thoughts as they come up and challenging them by asking yourself if they’re based on facts or assumptions. Replacing the negative thoughts with more balanced ones can help reduce anxiety.
– Practicing Relaxation Techniques: Deep breathing, mindfulness, yoga, or any activity that you find able to calm your mind and body when anxiety arises.
– Building Social Skills: Learning and practicing how to start conversations, make small talk or assert yourself in social situations can be beneficial.
– Seeking Support: Talk to trusted friends and family about your feelings, this can often bring us comfort and understanding. They may offer support or even join you in social situations to help ease your anxiety.
Can Counselling Help with Social Anxiety?
Navigating social anxiety can be challenging, but a counsellor can provide valuable support and guidance. A counsellor can offer a safe space where you can openly discuss your feelings and experiences related to social anxiety without fear of criticism. They can work with you to develop personalised strategies that align with your specific challenges and goals. Regular sessions can provide the accountability needed to practice new skills and face social situations. Having someone cheer you on can make a significant difference too! Sometimes social anxiety may stem from past experiences or deeper emotional challenges, so a counsellor can help you explore these underlying issues, providing insights that might lead to healing. Through guidance and practice, they can help you build confidence in your social skills, making social interaction feel less daunting over time.
What’s Next?
If social anxiety is affecting your life, know that there is hope for change. By recognising the signs, exploring treatment options, and seeking support from a counsellor, you can take meaningful steps toward reducing anxiety and enhancing your social experiences.
You may find engaging with social situations overwhelming at first, but with patience and the right approach, it’s possible to navigate them with greater ease. Embrace the journey, celebrate small victories, and be kind to yourself along the way. It’s a path worth taking!
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